Be whatever you wanna be, just don't be Wonder Woman

 

 

As children, we look up to superheroes.  The stories engulf us and we quickly aspire to be just like the superheroes we read about in comics or saw on the television.  Girls are often taught that they need to be everything to everyone. The Wonder Woman Complex. 

While woman can excel at multitasking and are often viewed positively when they do excel (or can excel) at "doing it all,"  the Wonder Woman Complex is detrimental.  Wanting to do it all and to be everything for everyone is a straight path to burn out.  First and foremost, we are our own worst critics.  Second, we fear not when living up to the expectations of others, and when we don't (which we inevitably will NOT live up to everyone's expectations) we are too hard on ourselves.  

It is great to strive to be an amazing professional in the field of your choice and to excel to the limits that you set out for yourself.  It is great to strive to be the best mom you can be to your children and provide them with the support system they need.  It is even great to want to balance both a career and being a mom to your children.  The greatest virtue is knowing your boundaries.  Being able to identify your limits-- when enough is enough and when is too much.  

As the only daughter in a family of six children and two parents I want to take care of everyone.  In fact, my favorite supershero is Wonder Woman.  I'm not saying that I am Wonder Woman, but what I will say is that no one has ever seen us in the same room together.  But no seriously, I'm into the whole DC Comic about the Amazonian Warrior who saves the world all the time. If I say so myself, most times I do a pretty good job of putting out fires and making sure things run smoothly in my personal and professional life.  But my independent fixer upper nature has taken me for a ride!

The truth of the matter is I take on too much.  I know I take on too much.  I know how to say no, but that is not the problem.  The real problem is I don't want to say no.  I want to be the person my family can count on when they are down and out.  I want to be the employee who can clean up a mess, but most importantly who can avoid messes in the first place.  I want to collaborate and find out best practices at work, or budget at home and plan the practically not-doable but never impossible getaway for three days.  But when those wants conflict with my own needs that is where the problem comes.  

It is not bad to want to take care of your loved ones or to be dedicated to your vocation.  Its not bad to become an entrepreneur and start your own business while being the best stay at home mom you can be.  Its not bad to dream bigger and aim higher.  It is bad however to neglect yourself in the process of being everything for everyone.  This is a hard lesson to learn.  It took me a while to learn it, and even now I struggle.  Putting yourself first is not selfish.  It is important.  

Before you take on that extra task at work.  Before you try to work a 60 hour week and then come home and tear the house upside down cleaning and doing laundry.  Before you decide that you will be Betty Crocker and Rosie the Riveter at the same time, just ask yourself one question.  Have I taken care of myself today?  

 What good is it to continue to give to others without giving back to yourself? It is the circle of life.  The oldest tale in the book.  When you continue to take resources from a place without replenishing that place the resources run out.  If you continue irrigating the soil you eventually lose the nutrients that will give you healthy crops.  If you keep drilling for oil in the same spot you will deplete the supply.  You cannot expect 100ml from a 50ml vase.  In the same way you need to replenish yourself.  

You are a valuable resource.  Your heart, your kindness, your energy, your being.  It is all a blessing to others and that is what God created you to be and do.  To be a blessing and to bless others.  For that reason and that reason alone it is necessary for you to take care of yourself.  Pour into yourself.  Love on yourself.  Be who you are to others for yourself.  Have you checked in on yourself lately? Is your battery low? Do you need some R&R?  When was the last time you took a vacation that was a vacation and not a back to back excursion?

Don't continue to push yourself to exertion.  Make sure you are intentional about your self care.  In this life you can be anything you want to be. Whatever you want to be.  Be your wonderful self.  Don't be a Wonder Woman.  No matter how fantastic she is in the comics, she can never be as fantastic as you.  Why? Because she is fictional.  You are the real deal.  You were placed on this earth for a reason.  Lean into your amazing self and put your potential to good use.  As far as you can go! The sky is the limit.  The possibilities are endless. Just take care to take care of YOU! 

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